Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God, I missed his penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
