I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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