Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Small penises have feelings too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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