my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
