Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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