Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
operation have a gay friend backfired
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
