I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
