I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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