my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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