Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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