i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
