The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
