with your own penis?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
