I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
