i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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