Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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