U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
