saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dignity is for republicans.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
