After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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