I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
