I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
