Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
