I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
