For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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