drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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