And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
