This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize