I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
