he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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