You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize