Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
