Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
