I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
