She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
