Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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