can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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