I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
