my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want to fling myself into the sun
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
