something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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