woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
