His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
