Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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