$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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