tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
