This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
