You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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