Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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