Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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