Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
