apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
