i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
