Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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