I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
