i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
