there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
