Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize