3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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