he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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