The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
