peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
