I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
