you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
