my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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