"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my being single is dangerous.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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