when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
