Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
