walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
