How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
