Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
