I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
