Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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